What Makes for a Happy and Lasting Marriage?

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This is your life, so do your thing without apology. An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will need forgiveness.

Men You Could Do More If you are a man and reading this must ask yourself this question, when was the last time I assisted my wife with the laundry and house cleaning? This means not going around the issue, but through it, even if it takes time. With meditation, you get to keep yourself away from the busy and fast paced noisy world. Most couples will say that they communicate.

What Makes for a Happy and Lasting Marriage?

How do you stay? He agreed immediately because he thought I was tired, he said, even though we must have both known he felt lousy too and never really wanted to go in the first place. He told me he was skipping the concert for my sake. And he was right; I was tired. I knew someone who would probably like to go to the concert, so I gave her the tickets and got to be generous twice with one gesture. My math may not be that good, but you get the idea. Relationships are not logical like math. That takes time, determination, an open heart, and a sensitive touch. Oh, and by the way, on the day of the concert I was very busy and tired and glad to have an early evening. When work was over, my husband and I met at a local restaurant, had a lovely dinner together, and went home feeling happy and connected. We had found the third way, a low-key evening that pleased us both. Our marriage space is sacred and private. We resist temptation and remain true to each other. We are open with each other. We both put our marriage first. We share basic values, some interests, and tastes. We speak up and communicate our needs, likes, dislikes, agreements, and disagreements. We get mad at each other sometimes; we are human. If it takes a day or so, we live with it and work on letting the anger go. Having a sense of humor helps. We are so glad to be together, and we say so. If we have to say something that might be hard for one of us to hear, we tell the truth, and we try to say it gently and clearly so that the other person can hear it. We know where the buttons are and are careful not to push them. Staying married takes time, determination, and hard work. For your partner and for yourself, too. We help each other grow. What things do you and your partner consider important? How long have you been together? We first met in 1980 and have been together ever since. © Copyright 2014 GoodTherapy. Permission to publish granted by , The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. We are not perfect and our marriage is in no way perfect either. But what we do have is a relationship of exclusivity and trust and love for one another and I think that it is those things that help to make the other stuff a little easier. Again let me be clear on another issue. When you stop working then the magic that brought you together is lost little by little until there is nothing there anymore. That to me is not the secret to longevity in any relationship. You have to be willing to see the differences in a way that can be psoitive and take that as a chance to learn something that maybe you had forgotten about this person. It seemed honest to me, and it showed the give-and-take of your relationship beautifully. And you found a third way together that was respectful of both you and your circumstances. Marquise, duration, as you observe, is not the same as quality, but the marriages you observe might have qualities that are hard to see. Thanks, both of you, for writing. But we always find a way to play fair. It is not down and dirty, but we do try to keep it honest. This is not my favorite part of being with her although I know that there are couples who genuinely thrive on disagreement! I would never be able to be a part of a marriage like that. That is just too much negative energy being thrwon around for my taste. June 25th, 2014 at 4:20 AM There will be times when you are married that you feel like you have all 18 of these traits and then there will be other times when you look at this other person beside you and you wonder who this person is. Marriage can be very fluid and change from day to day, but for me this all hits it right on the head by emphasizing that while these things are true, a strong and lasting marriage is one that has all of the above traits at its core. It might not feel like that every day as we all go through phases of change, but at the heart of it all a marriage that works is one that has all of these things at its foundation. Within about a minute of our first meeting he made me smile, a big and genuine smile and I think that even from those first moments that was when I knew that he would eventually be the man that I would want to marry. I am single but I love to read articles about marriage so that I will become well prepared when those days come. I am in a relationship that I want to be more serious. I am trying to learn from my previous relationships how to treat this relationship and reading to become a better partner to my mate. The oldest still resides with us. My husband and I have no communication whatsoever. The oldest son is tended to on hand and foot by his father. He will not so much as cook for himself, and feels it is my duty to cook and clean. My husband and I have drifted apart years ago, argue all the time and their certainly is no intimacy in the relationship. I always catch him in lies, and when I confront him, he will continue to lie. I have mentioned to him that the marriage has failed, but he is in denial. When we have an argument, within a few days he will act like nothing has happened. It has come to the point, where his son feels he can try to control me. There is definitely no respect towards me in the home. Always seek the advice of your physician or qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding any mental health symptom or medical condition. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on GoodTherapy.

In her book, Orbuch offers solutions to the top six costs. Come to the discussion thinking about ways YOU can contribute to making the Sometimes or Never attributes better. The first involves constraint and engenders feelings of obligation. The person you marry should resistance a point of expressing why they appreciate you, how they feel about you, and what physical qualities about yourself that they find attractive, handsome, sexy, or hot. This means not going around the issue, but through it, even if it takes time. Never disregard professional psychological or medical advice nor delay in seeking professional advice or treatment because of something you have read on GoodTherapy. Growing up in a happy parental marriage helped create good marriages for children 8. He is also a personal trainer. There must never be any verbal abuse in the marriage or prime and emotional abuse too. The same applies to you too, fellas. We speak up and communicate our attributes of a successful marriage, likes, dislikes, agreements, and disagreements. If these are not acknowledged and forgiven they will fester and grow.